Cai

My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast

我的思緒是個轉動地太快的萬花筒

Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past

模糊了所有色彩直到我看不清過去

The last mistake, the choice I made

最後一個錯誤，最後一個選擇

Staring in the mirror with myself to blame

凝視著鏡中自責的倒影

Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside

有時我畏懼著底下隱藏的想法

Nowhere to hide inside my mind

在我的思緒裡無處可躲

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

我怕你會比較，而我的一生看來無藥可救

I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step

我接著猜想我死了，我再次征服每一步

What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this?

如果我的言語毫無意義怎麼辦？如果我的心帶領著我往錯誤的方向怎麼辦？

I try to capture every moment as it comes to me

我試著捕捉我所經歷的每一個當下

Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company

就讓罐裝回憶陪著我

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

當晨望逐漸在我身體中隱去光芒

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

我不敢讓黑暗伴我同行

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

晨望讓我覺得這場戰鬥有意義

I will not be giving in tonight

而今晚我不會屈服

When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first,

當我白髮蒼蒼，年過三十，或是什麼先發生了

I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse

我需要你幫我確認我沒有浪費任何一個小節

Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself

或是更糟；如果我的一生所有努力只得我自己

Like never let you get a word in, while I dissect my mental health

就像當我在分解我的心理健康，從來沒有你置一詞的餘地

Or lack there of, whatever, there's too many things to track

或是缺少，無論如何，沒有太多可以回溯的東西

I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac

我真的無法記得我是瘋狂或是失眠

Now days, all the kids want crazy, wanna diagnose themselves

現今的每個孩子都想要瘋狂，想要自我診斷

Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills

拋售著製造著傳染病，處方藥人手一罐地傳著

But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose

而我的失能無法被點滴瓶，手術刀或藥劑治癒

Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close

自我厭惡和自私總是緊緊地挨著我

But I don't wanna let you see that, I don't want my friends to know

但我不想讓你看到這些，我不想讓我的朋友知道

Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go

自我厭惡和自私總是如影隨形地跟著我，無論我去哪裡

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

當晨望逐漸在我身體中隱去光芒

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

我不敢讓黑暗伴我同行

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

晨望讓我覺得這場戰鬥有意義

I will not be giving in tonight

而今晚我不會屈服

Try as I might to keep it together

我盡可能地嘗試著將一切維持原樣

Why is recovery taking forever

為什麼恢復期總是如此地漫無盡頭

Fool the whole world, just until I get better

唬弄整個世界，直到我感覺好一些

I'm terrified I'll be faking forever

我可能必須永遠地演下去，我嚇壞了

On and on I wonder what went wrong inside my head

我不斷地思考著腦袋裡出了什麼錯

I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did

我並不是非得得到答案，但我多麼希望今晚我能知道

All the pain I can't explain away won't fade

所有我無法解釋的痛苦不會消失

All the the secrets silenced by the shame

所有秘密因羞恥而沉默

Don't make me say it [x7]

別讓我說出口

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

當晨望逐漸在我身體中隱去光芒

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

我不敢讓黑暗伴我同行

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

晨望讓我覺得這場戰鬥有意義

I will not be giving in tonight

而今晚我不會屈服